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Purpose Over Paper™

Forgiveness 101


by Romany Malco

August 27, 2016


This was my first step in beginning the process of forgiveness.  I am aware, that I do not have all of the answers. My commentary is merely an attempt to provide insight and a platform to initiate the greater conversation.

I stress, that forgiveness does not mean continued acceptance of abuse, but it is necessary for effectively breaking the cycle and moving on. 
Again, I urge everyone to share their thoughts, ideas and insights, as we all can benefit from your input.

I urge anyone who's had similar experiences to share their insight in the comment section below.  But before doing so, please read this young man's inquiry (in it's entirety). Thank you.

To the young man who sent this text, I hope you find these replies helpful and I urge you to check back at this page from time to time to review contributions from others. 
SCREENSHOT OF ORIGINAL TEXT

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[powr-comments id=38bea0e2_1457369614800]

23 comments


  • Very insightful, my brother!!! This is my first visit to your blog, won’t be the last.

    Tay on

  • I watched your video last night as a friend had posted it on Facebook. It really hit home for me having an alcoholic dad and a mother who had to work all of the time. They split when I was 6 and I have had an on again off again relationship with him ever since. He still drinks to this day and I know his past and it can still be difficult to deal with. I sent this video to my daughter as well. Her mom and I split almost 4 years ago now. She turned 17 last week and I offered to take her out for a birthday dinner and she told me she would go if her mother can go because she isn’t comfortable around me. I’ve never been abusive, I’ve been angry and treated unfairly and I have treated my daughter with the utmost respect. Unfortunately, I have not been given the same privilege in return. I know someday she will come around but, how can I survive the wait? I want to be a part of her life and she won’t let me in because she refuses to forgive me for divorcing her mother.

    James Everhart on

  • My head was nodding “yes” for almost this whole video…understanding what my mother faced and understanding her anxiety, past abuse and insecurity helped me to forgive her physical abuse on my body and emotional abuse on my mind and my self esteem…so glad you are sharing this on such a powerful medium…great job….forgiveness is not a one time event, you do have to keep forgiving as those memories pop up. Thank you again for sharing. On a closing note…I forgive my mother and we now have a healthy relationship.

    Patricia on

  • Understanding is the foundation for forgiveness. Empathy, which is putting yourself is another’s shoes, is critical. At the end of the day, it all just boils down to love. You obviously love your father. If you didn’t, you would not feel so angry and hurt by his actions. Start with accepting that you love him. Literally say it out loud. With that love, you can start to understand and empathize. And please, stop worrying about what he “deserves.” That’s a trap. None of us is perfect and really deserving of anything. Last, as a father, how do feel when you have some way let your children down? How would you feel about yourself if you let your kids down in the ways that your father let you down? I imagine you would feel pretty bad about yourself, right? Perhaps your forgiveness, love, understanding are the very things your father needs to be a better man.

    I will be praying for you and so many men like you. So many, especially Black men. There are so many levels to real forgiveness but I promise you that it is worth the work. The rewards are for you, your father, your children, and the generations after you. God bless you.

    Zakiyah on

  • This is an amazing video. I dealt with a lot of issues and still sometimes freak out on my daughter’s dad. But soon realized I was not only hurting myself but damaging the relationship, between my child and her dad. I was giving him and my anger control over my life.

    irene on

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